07 May 2013

Stop Getting In Your Own Way

Stop getting in your own way: my own six-word story. Too bad I never take my own advice. I have always wanted to do everything myself, even when I don’t have to do so. In school whenever we were assigned group projects, I had already started mentally preparing myself for all of the work. I have never enjoyed being dependent on anyone else to fulfill my needs. For me, that is one of the worst things I could ever do. It was like giving someone controls over me and my emotions.

When I was 17, I had a family member OFFER to take care of all of my spending money when I went overseas for a semester (5 months). When it came down to it, they gave me $25, and then told everyone that I was a “charity basket” for expecting them to give me more than that. So, of course, I get to Europe, broke and unable to take full advantage of the culture because my parents, at the time, were not able to cater to my every whim.

That was the experience that pretty much changed my views on accepting (or expecting) things from people, whether they’ve offered or not. Not only was I left to manage in a situation where the currency exchanged was practically doubled, but I was also embarrassed because some people in my family truly believed that I was looking for a hand out. Never mind the fact that this person OFFERED their wallet to me without me even asking or expecting anything.

Six years later, I am still traumatized from that terrible ordeal. I’ve already vowed to myself that when I am financially able, I will return to London to get the full cultural immergence. Lol. Since then, though, I still find it difficult accepting things from people. One of the worst things in life, for me, is asking for help from people. Friends, and even my bf, have told me to stop getting in my own way. Contrary to popular beliefs, I don’t think that I’m undeserving of certain things, and I don’t mind “letting a man be a man,” but if I can’t purchase it myself, I would never expect someone else to buy it. Even borrowing money is a harrowing task for me, especially when I’m a freelancer and I hate that lingering feeling following me everywhere.

I’ve been called prideful and stubborn, and maybe it’s true, but I’m slowly working on it. I won’t accept gifts and money, but I’m starting to realize that asking for help isn’t a sign of defeat. It takes a lot of vaginal muscles to do that. As they say, “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed,” and I’m learning to express myself more. It’s a shame that it’s taken me so long to finally take this advice, though. Better late than never, right?


1 comment:

  1. Being vulnerable requires a superhuman amount of strength. Letting yourself be vulnerable after being hurt takes god powers. Love the post.