22 May 2013

I Told My Girls You Could Get It... Then I Changed My Mind

“I told my friends you could get iiiiit!” Most of us women know quite quickly if a guy (or girl) could get the panties immediately. However, in the words of Ms. Olivia Pope, “you have to earn me!” 'Tis true. Even if my perfect scenario included fucking and ducking you, you'd still have to earn it.

What I am seeing as I get older, some guys really have a knack for talking themselves out of getting the panties. As I was holding a conversation with a good friend of mine, I realized that some men miss out on the booty just by doing some of the smallest bullshitting-est things. If I've already made up in my mind that you could get it, don't fuck it up!

I've asked a few of my friends some of the ways in which some guys have convinced them that they aren't worthy enough to get the panties. Here's what they've told me:

  1. Unwarranted cockiness – There's a difference between being confident and being cocky. We all like a little cockiness in our mates, but we don't need you bragging about whatever money/cars/clothes/hoes you have. Let your silence on certain topics speak for you. Modesty goes a long way.
  2. Stupidity – If you cannot hold a conversation, you aren't getting in this bed. Personally, I love nerds. When I say “nerd,” I mean someone who has a passion for and is knowledgeable in a certain topic. Teach me something new. It doesn't matter if it's on technology, music, or movies. Show me that you aren't a complete idiot.
  3. Confusion – State what the hell you're looking for in this. If all you want is sex, let us know. If you're looking to pursue a relationship, let us know. What the hell do you want??
  4. Possessiveness/Desert thirst – Yeah, you bought me a drink. Yeah, you may have “liked” my pictures on Instagram. Does that give you the right to start claiming me? No. Dude, calm the fuck down. I'm not one of those girls who thinks that guys are “thirsty” if they pay me a compliment. However, I will call you thirsty if you call me 8 times within a five-minute span. The only time you should be calling me like that is if you just witnessed my mother get hit by a bus. And shit, even then, you should call the damn ambulance first.
  5. Sweeping generalizations – It is perfectly fine to state your preferences in the opposite sex. However, don't assume that all women are the same. Just as “niggas ain't shit” is completely untrue, so is any statement that begins with “Bitches/Females be like...” Immediate turn-off.

Just as avoiding these things will not guarantee you any play, actively participating in any of these things will not always eliminate you from someone's “Could Get It” list. Everyone is different, but these are behaviors that I've noticed that some women do not find appealing. Any ladies want to add to this list?

Don't worry, guys; I'm working on the counterpart to this list :)

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