11 August 2011

Epiphany on the 5th

"The Awakening Conscience 1853"
William Holman Hunt
As you get older, you get wiser and a new mindset develops. My big epiphany occurred at 12:00am on May 5th, 2011; my 21st birthday. “Why the hell am I trying so hard to please everyone when they aren't reciprocating? How does that benefit me?”

I'm not trying to win a popularity contest. I lost that competition when I created PBK. However, ever since I turned 21, I've developed a “fuck your feelings” attitude. All of my old “friends” disappeared, never to be heard from again. It's funny how people love you when you're their “Yes Man/Woman.” Back in the day, I didn't speak my mind. No matter what I was thinking, I tried to keep the peace. I'm not a confrontational or drama-loving person. However, something clicked on that magical day. How am I supposed to keep you happy while keeping myself happy (and sane)? Fuck you and all that you stand for.

You loved me when I was stroking your ego and telling you that getting herpes by your fuck buddy wasn't your fault although you continued to mess with him afterward. I lost many acquaintances when I created PBK, but lost even more “friends” once PBK became directed at them. (Oops). **shrug** I'm not going to be your “Yes Woman” unless you're saying something logical or simply shut the hell up. While I'm not going to go out of my way to make anyone upset by what I say, I'm also not going to hold my tongue. Holding my tongue is not conducive to my sanity.

**deep breath** I'm done.


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