09 June 2011

How to Break Up Respectably

My name is Phoenix and I am a former asshole. Back in the day (in my middle/high school days), I liked being in a “relationship,” although it wasn't a real relationship back then, but I secretly LOVED ending relationships. I never had a guy break up with me until my junior year of high school... That's a whole different story. Anyway, although I loved breaking up with guys because I never had to do my dirty work. My former best friend was my mouthpiece, so to speak. I'd give her his name and number, she'd call and tell him, “Hey. Umm.. Phoenix doesn't wanna be with you anymore. Okay?” Afterward, she'd call me and tell me the job was done. Lol. I know, I was so immature. Sometimes, I'd even be on the other line so I could hear his response. Now that I reminisce on the “good times,” I was low-key quite evil.

Well, now that I have gotten older, and am in a more serious relationship, I have certainly matured. Before I got into my current relationship, I learned the “proper” way to break up with guys. Now that Summer is almost here, and many of y'all wanna attempt bringing sexy back, you may wanna ditch your not-so-significant other, try some of these techniques.

Explain why without pointing fingers
Playing the blame game prolongs the break up by causing an unnecessary argument. Regardless of why the relationship ended, no need to harp on it. You're making an exit so why try to make the other person see their own imperfection. Let them learn on their own.

Don't use storybook/cliche lines
One of the first times I tried breaking up with someone, I ruined him. I gave him that “it's not you, it's me” line and he got very upset. However, I was being honest. He was a really nice guy, but it was my own personal preferences that made me break up with him. Well, he didn't see it that way. Ever since that time, I never used that line again.

Don't get emotional
When you get emotional, they think it's difficult for you. They'll start making excuses for you to stay. Then you're more susceptible to getting sucked back into the relationship, which you probably don't want.

Choose the right time
Don't be an asshole and break up with them after their grandmother dies. That's just cruel and cold-heart. Not even the former asshole Phoenix would've done that.

Don't just avoid them thinking they'll get the picture
Avoiding the situation may make them forget about you, but it doesn't allow them closure from the relationship.

Don't be mean about it
My grandmother always told me not to burn bridges because you never know when you have to cross it again.

Hope these tips help. In case your soon-to-be ex is a little psycho, I suggest you pick a public place, or have the police on speed dial :)


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