02 March 2011

Is She a Hoe, or is She Sexually Liberated?

Yesterday, I was reading a blog from one of my favorite bloggers, and friend-in-my-head, Xilla of BlogXilla.com and ran across a blog titled, “Why Are Some Women So Concerned With Being Labeled A Hoe?” I was going to write a comment, but I decided to write a blog about this because he makes a good point to a certain extent. In his blog, Xilla writes that some women don’t have sex with someone too quickly out of fear of being labeled a hoe or whatever. It all depends on what you'd consider quick. First date? For me, too quick. After a couple dates? Sure. Do as you please.

In my opinion, females shouldn’t fear being labeled easy or whatever because there is no definite time span for getting to know a person. It was her choice to get down in the first place. As a feminist, I’m all for making whatever sexual decision you want. *insert fist pump here*. However, my personal take on getting it in on the first date, or at a super early stage in a relationship, is that I don’t do it. Yes, I enjoy sex, sexuality and all of that good stuff, but I won’t do it unless I know you. I don’t need to know your social security number or your mother’s favorite food, but some basic essentials would help. I may know of you, but unless I know you, I can’t bring myself to doing it. I prefer some intellectual stimulation before you are allowed any penetration. No, a 15-minute conversation and some text messages don’t count. Call me a prude or whatever, but that’s just me. I’d like to think my vagina is a gold mine, and you actually have to dig deep and work hard (aka stimulate my mind with healthy conversation) before striking gold. With each of my sexual partners (all of which can be counted on one hand), I have known them for at least a month to a year before getting it in. Hell, some people even consider a month quick, but, like I said, each time span is different and it was my decision.

I could give a flying cold, warm or hot damn if someone labels me as a hoe, but the real person who matters is me. I would never feel comfortable with myself having sex with someone after knowing them for a certain short amount of time and not knowing if it’s going to go anywhere. Like the average person, I like sex. And sometimes, the chemistry is definitely there, but in order for me to see if the spark will ignite further, I like to wait. The best engineers can make a flicker into a blazing fire. One night of “passion” can actually just be sexy lustful porn test run. Lol.
 Another reason I decide to wait is that, as a woman, I like to be courted. Old-fashioned term? I think not. Chivalry is considered dead to many, but not me. Open doors, hold my hand when we walk, kiss me on the forehead (forehead kisses are sexy), kill spiders for me, dinner and a movie... etc. Not much to ask right? And as someone who sets their standards pretty high, I'd like to think I'm worth the wait. Let you get to know me before you know my body parts. Constantly trying to coerce me into sex is not going to speed up the process. If anything, it's a turn off. Don't get me wrong, I flirt, but when it's to the point where everything we talk about involves sex, I see where your mind is. I don't expect you to kiss my ass or shower me with attention. Just let me know that you're interested in what I have to say, even if we disagree. Sex will come at some point, but it isn't a main objective. By courting me, and proving yourself to me, let me know that you like me and not just what's underneath the clothes. It may be just me, but waiting is my preference.

What is your take on getting it in early?



  1. I saw the link on Blogxilla and decided to read your article. The term hoe is relative nowadays. I've only had one partner and I date randomly and let every guy know that the odds of having sex with him is slim to none. I like sex but I'm an attchy type of person, I know that, but many girls don't. I loathe the girls who say, "I just like sex I don't care", have sex on the first night and say they're in love. You're not sexually liberated, baby girl, you're looking for love in all the wrong jeans. Sexual liberation is willing to let that person go with no strings attached, no need for a phone call or a hug the next morning or that night.

    Moreover, I understand that you want to know of the person before, because the random one night stands can possibly leave you with an itch and a baby. I love myself enough to protect myself from both and I think more women should do that by at least knowing something about the guy just in case either were to ever happen. I don't mind sex on the first night, it's just not my style, but be smart about it. Love yourself enough to know you may never talk to that person again, love yourself enough to be protected and love yourself enough to have plans just in case anything goes wrong.

  2. Thank you so much for visiting PBK. I appreciate the comment. When I say "sexually liberated," I mean not being afraid to enjoy sex and making the choice when/where/how to have sex. Personally, I'm not looking for love in anyone's jeans. I'm in a committed relationship.

    However, the point of this post was to say that being called/labeled a hoe has nothing to do with the choice a woman makes when to have sex. A woman will have sex whenever she wants, but, personally, I'd like to know a person before jumping into bed with them because I love myself and owe it to myself to be able to wait and see if it's worth it.