23 March 2011

A Blog About Forgiveness

As children, we were always taught to be forgiving. When someone said "I'm sorry," our knee-jerk reaction is always "It’s okay" or “I forgive you.” An apology made everything alright. We just go right back to playing with them in the sandbox without any more thoughts about it. As we got older, we realized that it is not okay. When we get hurt, the perpetrator apologizes. It does nothing to recover our feelings, but we forgive anyway. It’s the nice thing to do.

Although I'm nice and all (I really am), I learned that I am not strong enough to forgive everyone nor am I able to forget everything. I pick my battles. Being a Taurus and a woman, I know how to hold a grudge, quite well I might add, but it is very difficult to remain friends or even acquaintances with someone who has done me wrong before. As a Christian, I have been programmed to accept apologies and turn the other cheek. As a human, however, I cannot always do so. When faced with people who have exhausted all of their chances, my first instinct is to erase them out of my life and be through. Sometimes, I admit, I make hasty decisions when erasing people after an argument, but they make it back into my phone if and when we reconcile. Just ask my best friend. She's been deleted out of my phone countless times since 8th grade. Apparently, I can't get rid of her. Lol.

Although saying sorry requires humility and selflessness, forgiving takes even more strength and courage. Sometimes, I admit, I just don't have that courage. Forgiving is one of the hardest things to do once you begin to really understand the dynamics of relationships. I, myself, am one of the biggest advocates of the word "sorry" when it is sincere. Given that I use apologies sparingly, I actually mean it when I say it. In my bio (to the left), it states that I rarely say sorry for the things I say, which is true. Therefore, I only apologize for the things for which I truly am sorry. When I was younger, I used sorry for everything, knowing I didn't mean it because my mom had to forgive me. Once I got into a serious relationship, I realized that apologies are not always acceptable. Although I can apologize for something and truly mean it, my significant other is not always going to forgive me. Throughout these four-plus years, I’ve had to accept that just as he knows that I won’t just forgive him at the drop of a dime.

While I am not opposed to apologies (obviously, since I use them), I just don't approve of forgiving everything. Of course, I'd want to be forgiven, but I also know that some of the things I do can be unforgivable. I can accept my apology not being accepted, as I don't accept them always myself. However, though I can forgive someone for their wrongdoing against me, it doesn’t mean that they will remain in my life.
Recently, I was talking to my best friend about forgiveness. She indirectly told me that I am, my words not hers, an “unforgiving, heartless bitch.” Truly, as a person in tuned with myself, I agree (except for the bitch part) to a certain extent. I forgive people, but I won’t keep everyone who I’ve forgiven around me. I have built a thick fortress around myself in which I only allow a certain number of people. Once your chances have been depleted, you get the boot. It’s just the way I work. This is the reason why I don’t have many friends. If you haven’t proven yourself worthy, what’s the point of keeping you around? It may sound mean, but I have standards just like the next person. If I am not up to par, why keep me around? *shrug* I oftentimes battle with myself in this whole forgiving and apologizing thing and I can honestly say that both are difficult actions. What are your views on them?

Can you forgive and move on?


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