11 February 2011

The Proper Usage of the F-Bomb

People always get mixed feelings when they hear the f-bomb. Not “fuck,” but feminist. Being a feminist is not a bad thing. In fact, I am a feminist, and very proud of it. No, I am not a bra-burning, man-hating lesbian nor am I bitter about men having a better advantage in some aspects. However, as you may have seen in any other blog posts, I am all about women standing up for themselves and being equal to men. I am opposed to women being used as sexual objects, unless she has made the decision to do so. I may not like it, but at least she has a choice in her own portrayal. I am a feminist completely and I think most females should be.

Doe Deere Blogazine has a list of the top 9 myths about feminism on their website. However, I want to point out the ones that stood out the most to me.

• “A woman can’t be feminine and a feminist at the same time.”

• “Feminists must just be bitter and hate men.”

• “Men are disposable.”

• “Feminists don’t believe in marriage.”

• “A feminist will get offended by any gesture of gallantry.”

• “All feminists have a lot of sexual hang-ups and issues with sexuality.”

• “Feminism might have been necessary in the past, but now that women have been made pretty much equal, there is no need for it.”

The rest of the list can be found here.
Here are some other ones I found at VillaNova.edu:

• “All feminists are lesbians and bra-burning radicals who hate men.”

• “Feminism is only for middle-class white women.”

• “Feminism only liberates women at the expense of men.”

This list can be found here.
“I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute…”

–Rebecca West, The Clarion, 11/14/13

You may ask, “If feminism doesn’t mean any of these things, then what is it?” Feminism can be defined in various ways, but, in general, it means that women want to stop being treated like shit.

Some of these myths simply sound ridiculous. Being a feminist and being feminine are not opposites. Being feminine does not mean that a woman wishes to use her womanhood as an advantage, as feminism does not mean that she disowns it. She simply wants to be a woman and be treated in the same sense as if she were a man. She wants to eliminate double standards. Feminists are not bitter or upset with men per se. They are upset that men are treated better than women on a daily basis, and when women are treated fairly, they are used as objects. Feminists believe in marriage. Maybe they may not wish to take the man’s last name, or be treated like his property, but they do believe in love and relationships.

Photo credit: Jessica Latumeten

 Sexuality is a big part of feminism, but it does not mean that there are hang-ups about it. Women do not want to be treated differently simply because they have a vagina and boobs. They want to be sexy without being playthings. As a new-aged feminist, I see nothing wrong with porn or sex, but I do believe that their messages can be problematic. Women in porn are not seen as sexy unless they degrade themselves or are portrayed as whores. For some reason, society does not believe that men can be whores. Why? When women are openly interested in sex, it’s always a negative thing. Why? I don’t understand it.
Photo credit: Jessica Latumeten

As for women being treated equally nowadays, that is false. Yes, we can vote and get jobs and all, but the pay rate is different in corporate settings. When women are assertive, they are seen as being bitches, but when they are nice, their behavior is mistaken for weakness. Women can’t win, but the goal of feminism is to help them overcome these double standards and stigmas.

Like I said before, this blog can be seen as somewhat feminist. When I write about women, my goal is to get women to think differently about themselves. I am assertive when I have to be, but very quiet by nature, and I’ve been criticized for it also. I’m not expecting everyone to agree with my preferences, but I do what women and men to be more aware of the societal limitations assigned to women.

A couple of days ago, my QOTD was “When men do women wrong is it more because she allows him to do it or is it just "men being men"?” While the question did not garnish much attention, it did result in an argument between myself and one of my Facebook friends:

Him: If anything... Men need to start taking control of u women! Because y’all are the ones doing us bad... Sheesh.
P: No one should be in "control."
Him: I think that men should be because if we don’t have any control, y’all women are going to do whatever y’all want! Am I right or wrong??
P: You completely misunderstood the question. However, I disagree with you 100%. There shouldn't be any one person in control. A relationship is 50-50. Therefore, each party should be treated with equal respect no matter the circumstance.
Him: That’s true... But at the same time, females don’t listen.
P: I could say the same thing about men, but I'm not ignorant enough to generalize. All women are not the same just like all men aren't the same. What are you talking about women not listening? Women don't have to listen to anyone who isn't their parents or their hearts. You're acting like women owe you something. Men aren't in control of shit and neither are women. We're all human beings with our own minds.

The “argument” ended there, but this is a representation of how some men actually think. Women are supposed to listen to men and accept being lower on the totem pole. As a feminist, I say “Fuck that and fuck anyone’s feelings about it.” I was not created to be anyone’s doormat.


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