Re-redefining Christianity: According to Phoenix

"Sticks and stones are preferred.

They hurt less than your looks and words...

Or lack thereof.

Unsaid words speak louder than actions"

-P.

 

I lost my integrity for the sake of being a Christian. Practicing “turn the other cheek” and forgiveness forced me to pretend like everything was okay. To my family, I am the scapegoat. I cannot do any wrong. I’m the Christian in the family—like it’s some type of stigma or negative thing. For almost my entire life, I’ve been given lectures about how to forgive everything that has been done wrong to me.

My cousin and I do not speak. If we are in the same room, you could hear a pin drop if there isn’t another person in the room to make conversation with one of us. I haven’t spoken to him in years. Although it isn’t understandable to outsiders looking in, it makes perfect sense to us. We avoid each other like it is the Black Plague. The history of why we do not speak is painful to rehash, but it has a lot to do with him spreading false rumors about me, stealing from me, threatening me, and other things that caused me a lot of pain and hurt. Being his younger cousin, I always wanted to be accepted by him. Going to school with (and across the street from) him until my junior year of high school was hell on Earth. Despite being tortured by him, I couldn’t escape him. We shared the same friends, family, and home. Yes, I lived with him also when we all lived at my grandmother’s house. My family is extremely close so I see him quite often, even now because I live around the corner from my grandmother’s house (which is where he lives and where all of our family gatherings are held).

Anyway, in my high school years, he had female friends of his calling my phone threatening to beat me up if I didn’t do what he said. Yes, stupid, I know. No, I didn’t obey because I knew that they wouldn’t do anything to me, and that I wasn’t going to lower myself to be his slave for any reason. In middle school, he spread rumors that I, the nerd of the entire school, was a whore and would have sex with anyone. This was in middle school. Of course, people knew it was a lie, but it hurt the most that my own cousin spread the rumor. Those who didn’t know it was a lie would actually approach me about it on my way to class or home after school or whatever. Do you know how degrading and embarrassing that is?

In the summer before college, my dad had bought me a pair of new Nike’s when they had just come out. A few days after I got them, they came up missing from my grandmother’s house. For weeks, I suspected that my cousin had stolen them. When I confronted him, he told me that either he’d beat me up or get some of his female friends to jump me if I didn’t stop thinking it. Mind you, based on incidents from prior months, I had every right to suspect him. I was told by family members, “No, he wouldn’t do that to you.” They even had the nerve to have an attitude when I persisted. One day, I happened to ask his girlfriend at the time if she had seen some turquoise Nike’s at her house. Turns out, he had given them to her as a “gift,” along with a purse that my grandmother had gotten as a birthday gift last year. I had to drive to her house and prepare, just in case, to fight some girl over what was mine. When I returned the purse to it's rightful owner, no apology or acknowledgement. They acted as if I was just doing a civil duty to them and myself.

For my entire life, it has been this way. Since I’m the Christian, I have a duty to accept the things done to me in order for my family to escape their responsibility to apologize to me. The only person who has understood that this isn’t right is my mother, another Christian in my family. Some people in the world have taken it upon themselves to redefine what Christianity means. To them, it means accepting negative circumstances and never expecting an apology or acknowledgement of sacrifice because, to be proud and whatnot, is frowned upon. To them, my reward for accepting unfair treatment will be rewarded in Heaven after I die. This is not fair.

To this day, it isn’t right that my family doesn’t know how I feel because I know how they are. Once before, I’ve tried sitting down with them and allowing them to feel how much it hurts knowing that my cousin will always be defended even when he’s wrong. Although they stick up for me when I’m wrong, it is never in times against him. If I am right in a situation against him, they either tell me to let it go or they’ll act like it never happened. When I returned the purse, I was told that getting my shoes back were a “reward in itself” rather than just getting an apology for not believing me. However, because I am a Christian, I will forgive, but never forget.

As a human being, and as a Christian, this type of treatment is unacceptable. Even if you aren’t a Christian, being a human is first:

Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will not get upset sometimes.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will allow you to mistreat me.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will downplay my accomplishments so you can feel better about yourself.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will gladly be your doormat.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will allow you to not apologize to me when necessary.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will not make mistakes.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will badger you about your mistakes.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will act holier than thou.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will allow you to mistreat me.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will not use foul language at times.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will not talk about worldly things.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I am immune to temptation.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I am better than you.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will allow you to mistreat me.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I do not like secular music.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I do not have feelings.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will allow you to mistreat me.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I do not like to have fun.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will forget.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will judge you because you are unlike me.
Being a Christian does NOT mean that I will allow you to mistreat me.

I love this picture because it's proving that Christianity is not a militant religion. Like any club or union, Christianity has "rules" and regulations, but we can still have a sense of humor.

This sign just says that even if you aren't a Christian, you are still a human being. Don't let your view of Christians cloud your vision of human beings so that your brain doesn't produce logical thoughts and actions.



♥P.
* In holding onto this for so long, I've realized that sometimes I am very bitter and internally hostile when I see my cousin. Therefore, I knew that this had to be written. I have a long road ahead of me, but I'm attempting to get a good start.