26 January 2011

His Baby Mama isn't Marriage Material

Today, I was on Facebook and found out that this girl from high school is pregnant. Almost everyone I know from high school have children except me. Her pregnancy shouldn't be a surprise to me because everyone has kids, but it is because of how she was in high school. She was the type of person who thought she was better than everyone. She was a "sadity" (or stuck up) cheerleader. Any guy who wanted to be with her had to be almost rich and reach damn-near unattainable standards.

Anyway, her status on Facebook read:
"Why does everyone keep congratulating me on being pregnant and then ask "ARE YOU MARRIED?" first off its really none of your damn business and second its 2011 how many ppl are really getting married before they have kids???? I'm sure its slim to none. Just know that I'm happy and as long as my baby has both parents married or not is all that matters. :)"

While I can understand her standpoint, I also feel like it was very ignorant. She's trying to justify her point by comparing it to the beliefs of society. Why is she justifying being a statistic? In high school, she prided herself on being better than everyone else. Now that she's assimilated to what society is doing by getting pregnant, she's trying to justify it? *side-eye*.

She asks, "How many people are really getting married before they have kids?" Plenty.... Myself included. It's up to you not to fit it. With all of technology that helps prevent pregnancy, she could have saved herself from this, but she made a choice to have a child. People have the choice to ask if she's married based on their beliefs or whatever. She could always ignore their questions or answer them proudly. However, she made the choice to address the situation and justify her actions. If she sees no problem with it, she shouldn't have to answer to anyone.

Having a child, or getting pregnant, is a choice. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, and not once have I ever gotten pregnant. I made the choice to use protection to prevent any unwanted pregnancies. Plan B, C, and D have already been decided before we even began getting intimate. Why? Because I don't want kids. I am not even the legal age to drink. I'll be 21 in 3.5 more months. I refuse to wait this long only to give that right up as soon as I get it. Every one of my former college friends always comment on how long my boyfriend and I have been together. Why is there a need to comment? They always say that they'd already expected us to be married with kids. I am in NO rush to get married or have children. We just got our own place in July of last year. While we're happy where we are, we are in no rush to take days off for doctor's appointments, postpone our schedules or shell out extra money for another human being.

My question is: "Why are you good enough to have his children, but not marry?" If he loves you enough, he should want to have you in his life for the rest of his life. It may not work out, but if it's only a piece of paper as people like to point out, why should you not give it a chance? Look at Lebron James' baby mama. She's been with him since high school and popped out two kids for him, yet he still won't marry her. Why? Tiny pushed out almost a half dozen of T.I.'s kids before she had to force him to get married.

There's nothing wrong with being his "sidekick" (as Lebron called his girlfriend) or his "old lady" (as T.I. called Tiny), but you should want more out of life. What do you think?



  1. So today I received an anonymous message on facebook letting me know that you posted a blog about me today, so I decided to go check you out. After reading this post about me, I realized some things, you’ve never actually talked to me long enough to know me let alone judge my character or me. So let me state some facts for you, so the next time you decide to take time out your day and post a blog about me you’ll actually be keeping “REAL.” I see you put here that you thought I was better then everyone and stuck up, which doesn’t come as a surprise to me since people tell me they THOUGHT I was the same way in high school (keyword: thought). However the people that usually tell me that are people that only judged the book by its cover, because if you really knew me you would know that I’m as real as it gets hence, the reason I’m commenting on this post. So if you want to talk “Real Talk” let me tell you some real shit. In no way am I justifying my getting pregnant because this is something that my boyfriend I actually “PLANNED” and in no way was this an ACCIDENT, which means I stopped taking my birth control pills that I had been taking for a while to get pregnant. So trust me there is no need to inform me on the technology that is available to prevent pregnancy because I used it. Another thing if you look at statistics you will see that most girls who are having kids these days are clearly to young to even get married. You made it obvious that you are one of the very FEW people and may I repeat very FEW people who may get married before getting pregnant but lets keep it “REAL” just because you’re married to a man doesn’t mean that he’s obligated to you; check the divorce rates while you’re busy looking at statistics. So that is why I am in no rush to get married, like I said as long as I am happy and my child has both parents married or not that is all that really matters. So you’re right when you say that having a child is a choice because it is a choice that WANTED to make. I could go on and on for you and point out some of your own flaws but that would be so contradicting since you judged the book by its cover and that’s not in my character I’ll leave those things out. In no way am I looking for your apology but I do want you to know that I feel absolutely honored that you took time out your day to dedicate a post on your blog about me. So thanks for your input but no thanks and that’s “REAL TALK” ~MIYOSHI

  2. Hi, Miyoshi. Thank you for “setting the record straight.” Like you have your opinion, I also have mine, which is the reason why I have a blog. Whether or not you’re stuck up or whatever, that’s your personality. Speaking from my point of view, that’s how you always came off to me. If you aren’t, then, hey, my bad. As for your pregnancy, it doesn’t matter to me if it were planned or not. I gave my opinion on why I don’t want to have children now. I simply didn’t understand why you had to announce that you were sick of people asking if you were married. I just felt like it’s your choice if you wanted to have a baby. You shouldn’t have to explain to people why you weren’t married. By announcing it, it seemed like you had a problem with the question.
    Also, I never said that marriage was going to keep the guy around. However, people always downplay marriage as if it were just a piece of paper. If it’s just a piece of paper, then why not just do it? My personal preference is to get married before having children. Other people may share the same ideals as me so that’s probably why they are asking you.
    Like I said in my blog, I moved in with my boyfriend last summer. My entire family had an issue with it. However, I made the decision to do so. I didn’t feel the need to get mad about them asking me why or whatever. At every opportunity, they want to tell me how they feel about it. Yet, it doesn’t matter to me because it was my money and my decision. With your pregnancy, it was your decision. Therefore, if people have a problem with it, then so be it. Announcing it drew more attention to how it was affecting you, at least to me. As a blogger, I have my opinion. It isn’t fact. Therefore, I appreciate you coming to set the record straight. Thanks for reading. Have fun with your pregnancy and motherhood.


  3. Getting pregnant before you're married is unbecoming; No matter how many statistics. You owe it to your child to provide more stability even if your good efforts end in divorce. At least you made the effort in the first place.