05 August 2010

Marriage is for White People

Back in the day, having a two-person household was normal. Now-a-days, having a child does not necessarily mean that one is married. Statistically, black women are less likely to get married. Approximately 45% of all black women never marry. We are generally seen as the baby mama or someone's side chick, yet not marriage material. While many white women in the media are married or engaged, black women have yet to even experience one marriage proposal, let alone multiple like some white women.

Ask any young black male, many will say that their goal is to be a great father to their child one day. Not once do they acknowledge being a great husband. Don't get me wrong, some black males hope to get married, but many don't want to be tied down just yet. However, their chances of fathering a child are higher than them being a husband to a black woman.

Listen to the music on the radio. Black women are referred to as someone's bitch or hoe. Black men would rather "toot it and boot it" than "put a ring on it."

While some black women do become blissful beautiful brides, the majority are baby mamas for a long time before becoming someone's wife. Unfortunately, there is a stigma that black women are "crazy" or "psycho," which turns men away from them. However, black women are generally stuck with the title of "baby mama." So, let me get this straight. Black women are crazy, but good enough to have someone's child, but not be a wife? Isn't it riskier to have unprotected sex with someone who you do not want to be with forever than marrying them? I mean, if you have unprotected sex with someone, there are chances of her becoming pregnant and/or getting a sexually transmitted disease. With marriage, if things do not go as planned, you could always get a divorce.

Along with the rarity of black women becoming brides, there is also the sad dwindling of the sanctity of marriage. In the media, marriage has becoming one of the biggest jokes ever. Not only is infidelity becoming the norm, but toting mistresses around is also the new black. For example, recently, former NFL baller Tiki Barber left his 8 month pregnant wife for an intern at NBC. Not only did he leave his pregnant wife, but he was seen with his mistress at a party having an excellent time. While no one knows the inside details of his marriage and affair, it is not a good look. The same goes for newlyweds R&B singer Alicia Keys and producer Swizz Beats. Swizz Beats' recently divorce just finalized a mere two weeks ago, and his marriage to his six-month pregnant wife, Alicia Keys, just began on August 1st. How does one leave his wife and child of four years one day and two weeks later begin another family? Not only am I disgusted with him, but also with do-gooder Mrs. Keys. She sings greatly about karma and women-empowerment, yet allows herself to sleep and impregnated by a married man. Again, although I do not know the details of the beginning of their relationship, I am disgusted at how quickly black women are used at the black man's disposal.

At the age of 20, I currently am disturbed at the way that the world is turning. While I am not on anyone's pedestal or looking down upon anyone, but I do not want to see how the state of marriage is going to effect the future generations. The youth now is not worried about being great spouses, but rather great fathers/mothers. How are we as black people supposed to improve the state of our race if we refuse to join together in matrimony? I am not saying that all marriages between our white counterparts are perfect, but they are not followed around by unfortunate stigmas and stereotypes that lead to their downfall.

To all black women, and all women alike, you have the choice in whether or not to be someone's "baby mama" or "jump off." Self-esteem goes a long way.



  1. I agree with the whole article to a certain extent. To each his own, but the Swizz & A. Keys relationship is something that you can't judge. You never know what was going on between him and his now ex wife. Some people's feelings change and things aren't all peaches & cream which is what a lot of people fail to understand. Just because you are with the same person now doesn't mean you will be with that same person twenty years from now, or that you will even feel the same way towards them. A relationship relies highly on communication and if you don't have that all is lost

  2. Like I said, I do not know the details of the Swizz & A. Keys relationship, BUT it was done in a tacky manner. Previously, A. Keys said that she waits at least a year of being in a relationship to sleep with someone. Currently, she is 6 months pregnant. If she waited a year, then she was sleeping with Swizz 1 year + 6 months ago--way before Swizz & Mashonda were divorced. And even if they were separated, A. Keys sings all about women empowerment, karma & all this other stuff, YET she was sleeping with someone else's HUSBAND. Whether separated or not, Swizz & Mashonda were still married. If A. Keys & Swizz were THAT much in love, then their love would have allowed them to WAIT for his divorce to be final. But my main issue isn't with them getting married so quickly after his divorce. Rather, it was that they were lying/denying about being together romantically until recently. If they were so in love long ago, then why deny it? They knew what they were doing was wrong! Point blank period.