07 May 2009


"I'd love to go back to when we played as kids
but things changed, and that's the way it is."

Currently, I am laying in this single bed in this empty room--bored.
Left only with my thoughts.
I'm not sure how I feel right about now,
But I definitely don't think that I am happy right now.
I know that changes happen.
But why so quickly?
In just a matter of months, my life is upside down.
People in my life have changed a lot.
Some for the better, some for the worse, and some I'm actually not sure.

I wish that some of my relationships with people did not change, though.
God puts people in your life for a reason, for a certain amount of time.
Honestly, all of the people who are currently out of my life voluntarily, I can say deserve to be.
At the time, I did not understand, but I guess Daddy upstairs did.

The only one I felt should have stayed longer is my grandfather.
I wish he could see me grow up.
I have so many wishes and reasons why he should still be here.
But I have to learn to not be selfish because he isn't suffering anymore.

On this day right now,
I currently feel alone.
There are no phone calls right now.
No unnecessary noises disturbing the peace.

Nothing, but deafening silence.
The silence is suffocating me.
Loneliness is choking me.
This change in tempo is upsetting my world.

...& there's nothing I can do about it.


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